Tuesday, January 25, 2011


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

credit to Kimmies Floral

Thursday, January 20, 2011


1.penat sbb 2 hari pki baju kemeje...letih kot nak ngosok baju kat lantai...

2.kelas policy cam biase...totally lost in da jungle....xpaham ape sbb sume mende kene bace seniri..ingat ni UIA kape....

3.congrates utk kwn2 yg da present OB..kesian kat Nadhi sbb die blur time present..xpe2...ganbatte~

4.kelas arab kitorg di'papar'kan dgn video2 arab last sem..aku xheran pon bout markah video tu..tp serius...aku dlm video tu GEMOK~

5.ok klas asia tenggara berlaku perkare pelik..ntahla..aku nak komen byk2,bgaduh plak kang..last2,geleng kepale jela..kesian kami yg xbrape rmi ni...huuuu

6.mggu ni xtau apesal perut aku xberape selese...mkn xbrape selere....nk kurus lg kot..~

7.g meeting kelab budaye..kecian dgn bbdk junior yg tngange dpt keje utk MAWAR 2..nseb bek den org blakang yo...maleh den...~

Sunday, January 16, 2011

saye rase hidup......

hmm..im back from dead~
thank 4 my frenz who always support me..especially kak aishah nun jauh d london..mmg penyokong tegar pnye lah..syg kamo!
thanks jgk kt membe2 yg salu try 2 cheer me up..but special thanx 2 a person who t8 care of me since 1 fall sick few months ago..iv decided 2 giv evrythng on her,try 2 win her heart since she's already sacrifice much of her time n attention to me..arigato gozaimas!



Tuesday, January 4, 2011

akhirnya........smpai jgk ke melaka....

1st day kelas da kene bahan...sume kate aku sorg je yg kurus blk cuti....kurus sgt ke???huhuhu...rahsia kurus dr inchik halem,sila 'makan hati dgn mndalam' n workout!kompom kurus cam aku..org wwat 3bulan,aku wat sbulan je..tp sakit ma..maw kene tgkap masuk wad psikatri tau....tp syukur,survive jgk dlm proses 'pngerasan hati' tu..

kelas CSC,lecturer cam strict,tp cam sempoi...ntah!aku xpnah kesah..im always serius in my duty..xkesahla pnsyarah strict or x.mase depan seniri beb!smpai ptg...

mlm da xleh tido.cam biase la an..nk mkn pil tido,takot telajak smpai kul 6ptg plak kang...lembik bdn kot mkn pil2 tu sume...mau ilang akal dibuatnye....so,sabar,buat care manual...lelap mate!

2nd day,kelas policy ade wat trip!yes!bajalan lg!hoho..saye suke bejalan....kelas OB,inchik Fuad nmpak strict jgk..tp lawak jgk..so,stakat ni,sume lecturer best la!!
blk2, trus g tesco...ayun nak jmpe,tensen katenye..projek final year kene reject..huhu...susahnye blaja ni siap ngn pojek2,prototaip..seb bek ak xamek sains2 tu sume...pastu mkn ngn bbdk ni kt tesco..

haha!Ida sebok nak kurus!ok,den bwk ko g joging sok,ko xlarat,den seret ko!


1st n fomos,nak ucap congrates kat 2 org adik spupu aku yg bjaye meneruskan legasi kecemerlangn akedamik dlm fmily sejak bermulanye zama revolutionary dlm fmily pd tahun 2005..haha!ada makna tu....fikri dapat 8A..bagos!as expected 4m MRSM student.ceng plak dapat 5A3B.pon aku kire ok jgk ats sebb keadaan environmnt kekmpongn di sekolah beliau..bdk kg,apelah sgt..tp tahniahla sbb kptusan diluar jangkaan..even xde pelung g SBP pon,c'monla..skola mane2 pon kalo xblaja pon same aje...huhu

2.pegi besday kt rmh dian.smbut besday kimi n akak die yg mane 1 tah..byk benar,xkenal aku mane 1...dtg makan jela...well,keadaan kechatan xbrape mngizinkan after dgr berita mngejutkan ttg seseorg..sbb aku xkesah ape yg jd,tp care ia berlaku tu,sgt mmbuatkan aku makin xpecaye cinta hawa..selain ape yg blaku ntara my dad wit my biologcal mom,diz is da worst thing ever happen 2 me related to girlz or woman..I JUZ LOVE DA WAY SHE LIED TO ME N EVERYONE ELSE...tp,org yg tau pkare sbnr akn terus tahu yg die telah byk menipu....

dlm idop aku,cume ade 3 org je ppuan yg earned my complete recpect ats sikap n care mereka melayan org sekeliling..my late grandmother,my late foster mother,n my 1st love..all diz 3 people nver show me any disrespected manners on me..sumenye baik,n i can say they know wat is LOVE,LOYALTY n WHAT IS HUMAN BEING....

my late grndmother n my late foster mother da only 2 person that I know who love me til their death...dats y they earn my full respect..while,she(my 1st love) never said anything bad about me even im not treat her in da way dat i shud do..so diz 3 people da only kaum hawa yg aku hormat n xkan ade sekelumit benci pon....(see,even my real mom pon still yearning my respect u know...)

3.pegi Jeram Toi beramai yg dianggotai oleh sahabt2 skola rendah.keakraban kami mmg xdpt disalahertikan lg melainkan spt adik beradik...11 taun da kenal n tiap2 taun raye same2....ala...g pon,mmg sepupu2 jgk sumenye tu..xkire la jaoh ke dekat,ttp 1 fmly...

seronok2 mandi mande,blk2 je baru perasan moto kimi kene culik...alahai..moto baru kot...penatla cari sekeliling jeram mane tau ade tjmpe pnculiknye,bole dterajangi beramai2...malangnye nasib,xjmpe jgk..nak wat cane..xde rezeki mak tam aku ckp...

xpela kimi...sok beli moto baru..hahaha....